I am not a Buddhist monk but I know a little bit about meditation and I have a couple random tips that have helped me day to day. I know you didn’t ask but here they are anyways.
From a technical standpoint meditation is about controlling your thoughts rather than letting them control you. IE, you get mad, you hit someone. Meditation gives you the ability to see the anger and let it pass through you. That is over simplifying things, but my point is, if you are feeling depressed, it can help you identify patterns, it can help you stay calm, reduce stress and have more discipline. If you can consciously stop your mind from wandering and get into the habit of staying with your current train of thought you will be more productive and can stay in the ‘zone’ longer.
So, to get started what do you need? You can sit cross legged, in a chair, even in bed. I use a little meditation bench deal that I made from scrap wood because I dislike sitting crossed legged. The key for me is a position that is comfortable enough to do for a while, but isn’t too comfortable that you get lazy. And the end goal really is to extend your meditation sessions BEYOND the session into your everyday life. This is why I do a portion of my meditating with my eyes open.
Calm is not absolutely required but it will help you at the start. Remember that you are aiming to have a calm within the storm feeling all the time. So as you get better you actually want to challenge yourself by sitting with uncomfortable feelings or challenging ideas. But again, at first keep the distraction level around you to a minimum.
Close your eyes at first and just breathe in and out. Focus on the out breath and just say in your mind “thinking” and take another breath in, stay calm and even. Your mind will continually try to bug you with ideas and thoughts and little itches or scratches; your brain is literally trying to distract you. You can see how many things are swirling around in your mind. Every time you say ‘thinking’ while you are focusing on the out breath see those thoughts being pushed away like a bubble being pushed by a feather. Let them go. At first you want to calm your mind to a single focused track, your mind does not function well being scattered all over the place.
So that is how you begin, calm your mind, once you have done it for a while you will notice when things make you angry you focus on your breathing. It is pretty interesting for sure. And the better you get with your sitting practice, the more you can explore in your mind and really benefit from it.
Even if you don’t do your sitting meditation each day here are some practical applications you can do immediately:
Relax your muscles – In the middle of the day when you are feeling stressed and running around simply stop for a minute and consciously focus on your face muscles. Your jaw is probably tight, just let the muscles go slack. Focus on your back and arms and neck, let them go. You will be surprised at how calming this is. Your physicality is directly related to your mind.
Have compassion instantly – When someone does something that provokes you think immediately, “The wise man (woman) sees himself in all beings and all beings in himself. Therefore he never feels hostility towards another” (~Isha Upanishad) and really say to yourself, have I done this before? Did I have a good reason? Maybe they are having a terrible day. Don’t let them affect your calm. Even if you don’t sit and meditate this is a principle of Tonglen, a form of compassion (loving-kindness) for everyone.
Be a better friend to yourself – We sometimes beat ourselves down more than the world does. Focusing on terrible outcomes or consequences, focusing on little things we might have done. If you have made a mistake you have an opportunity to learn, have compassion for yourself and really take a look at the situation objectively. If you get into a spiral of self-deprecation, just let it go, pat yourself on the back and move on or save it for a meditation session. You should not be your worst enemy.
and finally:
Live in the moment – Stop and smell the roses, when you have a clear mind you realize that you miss so many beautiful things in life. Stop and look at something like a sunset or a tree or a dog playing in a park. Your bills or whatever your mind is looping on will still be there later and trust me, you won’t forget. With the exact same position you are in you can increase your happiness ten fold by simply filling the little times of the day with positive ideas. Things you like, people you like, nature, simple things. For example I had not looked at the hibiscus trees in my kitchen closely, but damned they are beautiful. It is always nice to just stop and take 20 seconds just for my own enjoyment. It doesn’t cost anything, but it will give you a huge benefit.
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So even if you can’t meditate or don’t really want to; take these tips away and give them a try. If they appeal to you then you really are missing out by not starting. Get an audiobook, I recommend Pema Chödrön’s approach, it is straightforward and explains the deep stuff in practical terms to get you into it, or a book or whatever, look on Wikipedia or the internet somewhere.
Good luck, namaste, Mike
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